Saturday, January 9, 2010

How will she know she is adopted....

I remember when we first decided to adopt from China. We were talking to Ben and Hannah about it and Ben asked "how will she know she is adopted, she is probably going to look like me" Part of the reason why he said that is that we have an Asian background. My Mom is Indonesian, and I am guessing that people have asked Ben "what are you??" I often got the same questions growing up. Of course we explained to Ben that she would know she was adopted because she would not likely look like us and we of course would talk about it with her......

Fast forward four years and I find myself scared sh*tless that Sophie is going to "remember the day she figured out she was adopted" All the pictures taken with the cameras I sent to China are in a small photo album that Sophie keeps in her book box. We look at it together and talk about her foster father, where she used to live in China and her "friends" in the pictures. We talk about how we came to China and brought her home with us to NC, I have shown her videos of the first moments that we met in China and she has very little interest in sitting and watching. All my friends and family are done being pregnant so the chances of that providing an opportunity to talk about how she grew in her birth mothers tummy are slim. I think that I am doing it right....we don't talk about her adoption a ton, but allow it to come up easily in conversation.

This is the stuff I think about when Sophie wakes me up in the middle of the night.....

Interesting and helpful post

6 comments:

Kris said...

i think she'll surprise you and it sounds like you're already doing all the right things! we look at M-n-M's lifebook from New Hope all the time and of course at 3.5 she has the capacity to understand a little what happened- but she still doesn't totallly "understand" and in some ways I think she views us as her new set of long term caregivers, and not parents. Even though she calls us Mama and Baba.

heather said...

I was worried about that too because we talk about it but don't dwell on it... I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief one day when Lillie informed ME that she was adopted from China, yadayadaya. She even said that she knew the boys grew in my tummy and she didn't. And we did pretty much what you did, so my guess is that Sophie is absorbing all that too.

t~ said...

It will all unfold over time. I don't think there is one great moment that makes it all happen. It's all about the little conversations. You're doing a great job!

Marty said...

I'm right there with you in the sh*tless department... Maddy has been talking about "china" a lot lately. She talks about how she was born there. Last night, I was taking a bath and she was in talking to me like I sit and talk to her. I forget how it came up but she told me she loved me. She also mentioned something about China... she asked me if we left her there..WTH?? I immediately told her no that mommy and daddy went there and brought her home to our family. I asked her if she was happy to be with our family and have us as her mommy and daddy and her response.. "Shore!!!" with a great big grin and then she gave me a kiss on the top of my head. I don't have her pictures all together just yet but I need to get on that so we can look at the books now that she is 4 and understanding so much more! Maybe, since the two of us have the older girls, we can muddle through this together (with Sandra too.. she is plethera of info since Jazzie and Tahlia are even older)and we will be able to share our experiences with the rest of the girls. (and anyone on blogger who cares to listen - I really need to get my blogging mojo back!)

Marty said...

ok.. so that comment above is really from me Mare - Robin. I just realized I'm signed in as Marty!!

A Beautiful Mess said...

hehehe Robin I knew it was you:)

We will chat this week!

Stay warm and give Maddy a smooch for us!