Sunday, April 26, 2009

Our Attachment far

We have been home with Sophie for 20 months. Almost as long as we waited for her to find us through our agency WC list. We think that Sophie was in the SWI for approximately the first 6 months of her life, then she was with a foster family, then brought back to the SWI around the time we were matched with her. When we first met Sophie she was reluctant to let go of the young "nanny" holding her, and I could not make myself rip her out of the nanny's I waited.

Waiting is really how our story began.

Due to Sophie's special need she had two surgeries about 2 months after arriving home. There were also post-op treatments involved that were uncomfortable but necessary for us to perform for about 9 months post surgery. There were lots of doctor visits and medication. But through it all we continued to grow closer, following Sophie's lead I suppose. She had so many changes, it seemed only fair to work slowly but diligently at building love and trust.

Like many of you I had read all the books, blogs, web pages etc. that I could find regarding attachment. I also recognized that my parenting style was more consistent with attachment parenting. ( we were fine with co-sleeping, baby wearing etc.) so, I felt pretty comfortable with the rate at which Sophie's attachment was growing. So I continued to wait. I did not have to wait long for her to reach for me when she was scared, she was happy to stay in my arms, she was slow to warm up to family and friends. All positive early signs. But still she was careful. Very careful to let me in to love her and for her to love me back. Sophie let me massage her after baths, rock her to sleep, she shared food with all of us, She let me kiss and hug her a million times a day. She Allowed me to do these things. I waited until she allowed herself to love and trust me back. It happened slowly. I remember when she began to let her guard down , she was next to me in her bed falling asleep with her little hand resting on my face while she said "mama, mama" as she drifted off to sleep.

So here were are at the 20 month mark and I can say that I feel things are still moving in the right direction. Her eye contact has significantly improved when we are close together. She has good eye contact when talking or playing with us. She no longer will give me the defiant death stare when she is being disciplined. Sophie will now give me a kiss when I ask for one, and will kiss me a million times a day on her own accord:) Makes my heart swell I tell ya. She is attached to Chris, but I still think that is something that can improve. For example she won't kiss him. She will hug him, and all the other things that I do with her,but for now ...."no kisses Daddy".....and this is a girl who loves her daddy! She doesn't kiss Ben or Hannah. She will snuggle with them and hug them but that is about it. She will let them pick her up and carry her to me if she gets hurt playing, which I think is typical behavior. Oddly enough Sophie will give the dogs a kiss goodnight.

I do think that things have taken us a little longer than I thought in part due to Soph's medical stuff. That is mostly behind us I anticipate that she will continue to grow and trust us as her family. This attachment stuff is scary. But with almost 2 years together I do not think that Sophie's attachment to us is as seamless as I thought it would be at this point. But that is long as we continue to move in the right direction of building love and trust.

Waiting is a huge part of more ways than one!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

I will probably go to hell for this..... is like they are twins.

Thursday, April 16, 2009



Tuesday, April 14, 2009

I'm Not Juuuust Pretty....I'm Smart Too!

Just kidding..well kinda:) Last month I posted about this and today I am happy to report that I PASSED!! This will give me a few more options as I look at schools to transfer to for next year. I love special ed land....but I also think that I would enjoy working in a general education classroom. Now I just have to start to consider what grade I would like to teach.......

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Easter 2009

Hope everyone enjoyed their Easter Sunday. We had lots of good food, family and fun! I hate that Chris isn't in this picture, he was the photographer this time.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Spring Break Bullets

  • This is late for spring break for us here in NC. But I am soooo glad that it is finally here!!
  • It was the longest four days of school ever !
  • Not going anywhere....hoping to get Sophie potty trained this week.
  • Facebook makes me a lazy blogger.
  • I plan on revisiting my chip in button post some time this week.
  • Apparently I say what she is thinking.
  • I am going to get a new phone so I can no longer be the dork in the posse that is not texting.
  • I made Sophie an appointment for a speech screening. The day that I did, she turned to me while I was cutting her nails and said, "Mom, how do you do that?"
  • She makes me feel needed....well at least when it comes to visa applications.
  • And last and certainly not least Happy Birthday Colleen !

Well I am off to get some Easter goodies for the kids....if there are any left at T*rget.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Some Pics and a Big Sigh of Relief!

Ben calling the shots!
My Beautiful Girls!

A big congrats out to Pug Mama and Family and the arrival of their newest family member! Pug mama patiently waited...not........ for their beautiful daughter to arrive on Monday. She is a beauty!

Sunday, April 5, 2009


I know I am a little late on this one, but I have finally finished all 4 of the books in the Twilight series and I am about ready to start reading the 250 pages on the Meyer's website that are from Edward's point of view. The final book comes out this summer and then the Meyer's will finish Edward's story in Midnight Sun.

Isn't it funny that I can talk to just about any grown woman about this book series??? Is it because we all have an "Edward" somewhere in our past? I have to admit that the first book was just ok to me, the second...LOVED IT, third was pretty good and the fourth book was awesome! The second was my dark and painful I guess. One of the younger sunshiney teachers at school was just horrified that I loved the second depressing for her. Maybe she hasn't found her Edward yet....or she has not been crushed by first love. I have everyone in my department reading and swapping these books, so as you can guess all we talk about at lunch is Twilight! And we are giggling and chatting like school girls! On a recent work day (no kids) we did progress reports and had a private screening of Twilight in my classroom
(Just like the old days Morgan and Jen). Of course we all had varying opinions of the actor who played Edward. I suppose it was not based on his acting ability but how closely he looked and acted like our "Edward".

Fun stuff. If you have not read these yet, you just have too! Call up your niece who is high school and ask her if you can borrow hers!

Friday, April 3, 2009

Hey Come Meet My Family

Hey come check out my family....they look pretty nice:)

Congrats! I wished I thought to video myself screaming at work when I linked to your blog!

**Smooches** From the TBG Gang!!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

The Chip In Button

First let me say that I am more than a little annoyed that the stork is not flyin' until next week ! And since I am not alone in my crappy mood I thought I would snark the chip in button. I am even going to allow anonymous comments...just for fun;)

The chip in button has become the bane of blogland. There I said it. Mind you when the chip in button first started appearing I was happy to lend a hand (or $10) to help a family raise money..... usually for a SN adoption. But you know I have become tired of the chip in button. There are a few things that come to mind that annoy me...first we all know adoption is expensive, sacrifices have to be made (for most) to pay for an adoption, secondly damn this wait is long...long enough to continue to save to pay for the very expensive costs of adoption. I guess if you believe that someone is "saving" a child and that if they have to raise the money to do it, then how is that bad?? I am not saying that the "chip in" button is BAD...I am saying that it is total bullshit when bloggers add a chip in button and lead you to believe that they can't swing it unless they raise enough money.....then not to long after they get back from China they are packing up the fam for a Disney vacation at Cinderella's castle! WTF???

Here are some things that I have read on blogs that have taken advantage of readers and used a chip in button.

  • "Crap, one of the kids just broke our plasma flat screen! My husband is going to be ticked"
  • " I hope we can sell our $500,000 house..."
  • " Time to pack (insert luxury model car) and hit the road

So there I said it. The chip in button is bullshit.....

Wednesday, April 1, 2009