A Beautiful Mess

School 2011

2011-08-25T17:47:00.002-04:00

I have a kindergarten student, a freshman in high school and a junior in high school!

Funny Stuff!

2011-06-12T19:25:00.003-04:00

Just in case you needed a little energy to get you moving Monday morning....

M.Y.O.B

2011-02-17T20:50:00.006-05:00

I am guessing that Soph was baiting her teacher (who is no weanie) by being naughty and "daring" her to write me a note. I love the "needs to mind her own business".....my girl is all up in everything at home and now at school. Heaven help me....

*yes I know she wrote to instead of too....but lets be honest spending your day with 4 year olds is going to result is some tired note writing.***

Re-Adoption Birth Certificate

2011-02-06T16:43:00.002-05:00

We have been home with Sophie since September 2007. We have yet to complete the paperwork that would provide her with an "american" birth certificate. I am conflicted about the birth certificate stuff...if I am not mistaken, I think it lists us as her parents. Yes, I know we are her parents, but a BC typically lists your birth parents. She still can't president of the USA even with her American birth certificate.

Sooooo

What are the benefits of completing the paper to get Sophie a NC birth certificate?

Happy

2011-02-04T19:51:00.003-05:00

Soph is one happy girl! Here she is with some of her pre-school peeps. She is rockin' her "China" outfit for their class CNY party. She brought red envelopes with Chinese gold, oranges, fortune cookies, a zodiac coloring book, a book for her class to keep and some yummy red velvet cupcakes. Her teachers describe her as a happy girl....what more could a mama ask for??!!

working

2011-01-31T21:59:00.001-05:00

I am working on a blog post about our attachment journey and the impact ( I believe) that Sophie's SN had on her becoming securely attached to us:)

In the meantime check this blog out. Cute family.

What's your Word?

2011-01-09T09:18:00.002-05:00

In the book and movie Eat, Pr@y,L0ve the characters discussed their "word". The ONe WORD that best describes who they are, who they want to be, what they want their life to be. Hop on over to Lisa Leonard's blog of beautiful:) and enter to win a necklace with your "word"

My word....Time. Make time to enjoy the blessings in my life, find the time to take care of myself, spend time with those I love, and last but not least.....stop wasting time.

Good luck!

Part 2 of "More or Less"

2011-01-08T08:10:00.003-05:00

I posted the previous post/question on f@acebo*k and got lots of replies. Many saying their kiddo was a mix of both....but most were consistent with the emotional/independence levels were lower than same age peers. Part of Soph's lack of maturity I chalked up to being the youngest in our house and having 4 big people around her to help, talk to etc. and I am sure that is part of it, but I also think that her tramau and loss are another (if subconscious) part of her emotional maturity. Sophie often pushes for independence typical of a kid her age " I can do it!" "Don't help me!" but on the other hand she often wants to sit on my lap at dinner to eat, have me carry her ( she is getting heavy and I am getting old!!) I admit that when she lays on the bed our couch and waves her arms and makes baby sounds it annoys me. I am not sure how to react to her wanting to be a baby. Do I tell her I want me big girl? I am all done with babies? Let her be a baby? (which I sometimes do, but usually I try to redirect that baby behavior by reading a book or engaging her is some play. I am guessing she is acting like a baby because I have been busy and she needs some attention from me).

Sleep has definitely improved. I can snuggle her for a few minutes and say good night and leave the room while she is still awake. We just go rid of pull-*ps due to miss lazy peeing in them while she is awake! I am still going in at 11:00 and putting her on the potty. Most nights she is sleeping the entire night and waking up dry.

She is academically ready for kindergarten. We will see how well she does with the "demands" of kindergarten. Soph turns 5 in May and believe me I have considered not sending her to kindergarten since she is likely to be among the youngest kids in her class. My fear is that she started pre-school with many kindergarten skills already in place ( letter recognition, letter sounds, concepts of print, writing letters, drawing pics with details, number recognition, basic number sense to 10 etc.) and if I held her back behavior would become a BIGGER issue than it is now plus the maturity piece would also be set back...so Soph will be heading to kindergarten next year. Good news is that she will be coming to the school where I teach:) I won't see her much since I am rarely on the k-2 hallway, but it will be nice to have her there.

Thanks for all your comments....it is good to know the spectrum for our kiddos.

More or Less?

2011-01-05T19:13:00.002-05:00

I find Sophie to be less mature than her peers...definitely less mature than Ben or Hannah at that age. As a mom and a teacher I would say compared to Soph's peers she is more like a kiddo who just turned 4 years old, not a kiddo who will be 5 years old in May. She often "acts" like a baby. I know we can say that some of that behavior could be due to her not having much "baby" time in China, but we did a lot of regressing as part of our attachment journey. On the other hand, she can seem to be very mature, staying focused on a particular task, being able to entertain herself when needed, and teasing or being "snarky". The girl definitely gets the appeal of pulling someones leg!

So tell me do you find that your child from China is more or less mature than their peers?

I'm kinda a planner

2011-01-03T08:00:00.003-05:00

I suppose everything happens for a reason. I like to make "plans". I like to stick to the plan most of the time. Sure I can be flexible, but I like a plan. Planning for Sophie to have another surgery was a bit a whirl wind. We spoke with her specialist and got things scheduled and in order fairly quick. I made lesson plans for the entire month for my sub. Meal plans for the month etc. Oh and worrying and worrying some more. We have made a big decision for a little person who will some day be an adult. It was not an easy choice to make, and we believe it will be the best thing for Soph in the long run. But the emotional "plan" has been a lot harder this time and Sophie getting sick right before we were to go sent me over the edge for a couple of hours.

BUT.............

Sophie is rescheduled for March 24th. It actually works out better since my time out of school will end just as our spring break starts. So instead of having 4 weeks (including our 5 day hospital stay) at home with Sophie I will have 5 weeks, and that is a good thing.

So it all worked out. Sophie is feeling better and heading back to school on Wednesday. I have accepted that plans change....ok that is a lie. But I have accepted the new plan:) Thanks for all your kind words and support. It is good to know you guys are still out there checking in on us!

CANCELLED

2011-01-02T16:07:00.002-05:00

Sophie has the flu. No surgery for 6 weeks. I can't make this stuff up. I keep crying. The stress of preparing to go, and now the change of plans....she can't have surgery until February.

For two weeks I have kept her away from kid germ breeding areas...school, playgrounds etc.

We went to get her pre-0p physical done on Thursday. It has to be done 30 days prior to surgery...we didn't get that info or the form until Tuesday or I certainly would have had it done sooner. I didn't want to go in the germ hub of kid crud. 3 days later she has the flu.

Here we go again....

2010-12-30T14:10:00.002-05:00

We are heading back to Cinc*nnati childrens hospital for what I hope is Sophie's LAST surgery EVER! If you don't remember Sophie had her first surgery about a month after coming home. This isn't a surgery we were anticipating, but it is one her expert best surgeon in the world for her special need says will greatly improve her quality of life. Sophie will be in surgery on January 6th. I am not sure of the time yet but if her sweet little face crosses your mind send her some prayers. The surgery will be 3 hours (at least) and we will be in the hospital for 5 days. Pray that she co-operates. I can't even put a bandaid on this girl without a major meltdown. I am also doing this without Chris...dreading the waiting room part while she is in surgery. Dreading. It.

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-27T09:57:00.002-05:00

Hope you all had a great holiday! We sure did:)

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....

2010-12-12T20:08:00.003-05:00

I'm not going to lie....I'm surprised that she went up and sat on S*nta's lap. Sophie has been "encouraging" me to go visit S*nta and tell him what she wanted for Christmas:) She really couldn't give us a big ol' smile because she was a little uncomfortable, so when we asked her for her goofy smile this is the smirk she gave us! She is on smart and funny girl! This is going to be the best Christmas! Sophie is sooo excited. She is really in the Christmas spirit...singing songs, moving decorations around the tree...just super excited. It is going to fun, fun, fun.

Like you don't already know.....

2010-12-06T19:35:00.000-05:00

Fun stuff!!

All in one day

2010-11-15T18:39:00.003-05:00

Do you remember the first Who0pie G0ldberg one woman show??? There is a part in the show where is she portrays a young girl wanting long beautiful hair like the dolls she sees and plays with (This was a commentary about what is "considered beautiful") During this part of her performance Wh0opie has a nightgown on her head. Remember??? Well anyway yesterday Sophie walked into the kitchen with with her dress over her hair just like Who0pie telling me " look mama at my beautiful white hair....don't I look like a princess?" Gaaaaw I hate those damn princesses. So I told her that I liked the princesses with the beautiful brown and black hair....which of course she said "noooo I like the princesses with the white hair...." ***UGH***

Later on we headed over to the park to play. It was a beautiful day and the park was packed. Sophie was running around and going down this one slide. An older boy was sitting at the top of the slide and I can see Sophie telling him to go and then sitting down behind him, where she proceeds to try to get him to go with a little push with her feet. Once she gets down the slide I call her over and tell her that she is not allowed to push or "help" someone go down the slide. She runs off to go down the slide again. This time the boys brother, I think his twin, cuts in front of Sophie so he can go down the slide before her.....his mom is yelling that it is time to leave. The little boy shoots down the slide then turns and says...."HA! YOU STUPID CHINESE!!" Yep that is what he yelled at my daughter. I started to get up, but his mother was right there and walloped him in the head and grabbed him by the arm and pulled him out of the park. She knew I was sitting right behind her.....but she might have wacked him even if I wasn't sitting there, who knows. Sophie didn't hear what he said and kept on laughing and playing....thank goodness. But the time is going to come and someone is going to say something hurtful and nasty just because of how she looks or where she is from.

Is it bad for me to teach her to tell people to" kiss her Ch*nese A$$"

Ooops here is the video of the very start of the show...

2010-10-18T17:39:00.002-04:00

FUN!

2010-10-17T19:50:00.004-04:00

Sophie is a huge fan of y0 g@bba g@bba so I couldn't resist when I found out they were coming to our area! She was so excited. Here is a video of the first few minutes from the beginning of the show. She can hardly control herself!

Mid Autumn Festival -September 22nd

2010-09-04T10:18:00.003-04:00

It is that time of year again! Time for Mooncakes! I love red bean paste mooncakes....but my pre-k peeps don't seem to like them as much as I do:) Here is a kid friendly mooncake recipe that Sophie brought to school last year and will bring again to school this year along with a story about the Mid-Autumn Festival. We decided on this book this year for Sophie's 4 year old preschool class.

Easy Mooncakes

Needed:
1. 1 Can Pillsbury "Grand rounds" refrigerated biscuits
2. Strawberry preserves (do not use jelly)
3. 1 egg

Here is what to do:
1. Wash your hands

2. Open and separate biscuits.

3. Working on a floured surface, press the biscuits flat into 3 inch circles, leaving the middle a little thicker then the edges.

4. Put a teaspoon of preserves into the center of each biscuit.

5. Pull the edges up over the filling and squeeze them together to seal. Make sure they're well sealed or the filling will leak out!

6. Roll the biscuits into balls and put them 2 inches apart on a greased baking sheet with the crimped side down.

7. Flatten them down gently with your hand until they're about 1/2 inch thick.

8. Beat the egg with one tablespoon water, just until it is mixed. ( I left this off due to a friend in Soph's class having a egg allergy)

9 Brush the mooncakes with the egg mixture.

10. Bake as directed on the package or until golden brown.

11. Put on racks to cool when done.

12. When cooled toss mooncakes in a gallon ziplock bag with some powdered sugar.

ENJOY!

Not to be missed!

2010-08-03T20:34:00.004-04:00

No Hands But Ours has a listing of adoption related programing coming up in the next few months including Wo Ai Ni Mommy ( I have seen clips of this film and have some "opinions" but won't share those until I see the entire movie). Set your DVR's

Working on some stuff...

2010-08-03T16:45:00.004-04:00

Hello All! I have pictures and stories to share from our latest "Summer Sisters" gathering. It was tons of fun and so cool to see all of our girls and one cute little boy running around the yard! Right now I have a house full of family but I promise more pictures later!

Sadly back to school is quickly approaching. Check out this site for cool back to school stuff! Click on the button and happy shopping!

I WON!

2010-07-24T22:23:00.002-04:00

Ok I'll be honest I wish I was announcing that I won the lottery....but no dice. Gotta play in order to win:) BUT I did win a very cool Bento Cookbook from Lisa at Maisie Eats Bento. I have made lots of yummy food from Lisa's cooking blog Cook Lisa Cook. I highly recommend the mint fudge brownies, the lasagna soup...I love that soup, red curry soup and lots more. Lots of yummy stuff.

Thanks Lisa!!

Still Around...

2010-06-13T15:32:00.002-04:00

I am still around. I am still reading blogs but not really commenting. I am ready for a fun and busy summer. I have had to put comment moderator on....weird sites leaving comments.... believe me you don't want to link to from here.....Hope everyone is doing well.

I'll be back when I have something funny or interesting to share:)

Peace

I Spoke to a New Mom on the Phone Today

2010-04-06T16:52:00.004-04:00

It was truly the best phone call ever! Today my good friend became a Mom. I can't wait to meet their little polar cub! Now I will get to write a welcome home baby letter! The wait for a child does all kinds of things to friendships and truly who you are as a person. The particular waiting mama has touched my heart in a way that I can't explain. I cried when she called with her news! It is one happy day for many families who have endured this wait....but I am extra happy for this mama!

For Polar Cub and Mama Bear

Chinese New Year Dinner Menu

2010-02-14T08:53:00.003-05:00

We will be getting together with friends next weekend to celebrate the Year of the Tiger. To be honest, for me all holidays revolve around food:) The Lunar New Year is no exception! This is what I have planned so far....please leave me your suggestions. One of our friends that will be coming has a daughter from Vietnam and a son from Korea. They will be bringing some yummy traditional dishes for each of their kiddos birth countries. We will of course have some Chinese dishes as well as some Indonesian dishes ( my mothers birth country). Looks like we will have lots of Asia covered next Sunday!!

On the menu so far:

Nian Gao. Chinese Sticky Cake. This cake is said to make people advance towards higher positions and prosperity step by step....hey it's a recession we need all the help we can get!
Chinese Tea Eggs- I can't wait to try these! My friend Liz will be bringing this to dinner!
Char Siu Bau. Chinese steamed buns with BBQ pork. I bought these at an Asian market but this recipe looks good.
Pangseet-Indonesian fried wonton. My kids loooove these!
Bami Goreng-Indonesian noodles-this will be our Long life noodle dish. I am going to use long Chinese egg noodles.
Chicken in black bean sauce- Yummy and shhhh I can make this in the crockpot:)
Kerupuk- I grew up eating these at my Oma's house. You use them to scoop up rice and meat. They are yummy! My kids call the "Chinese Chips"
Scallion pancakes- Did you eat these in China? I love these!
Beef Randang- A spicy Indonesian beef dish
Rice and lots of it!
Oranges and tangerines

We will have a Vietnamese dish and and a Korean dish....can't wait to try those too! I need another chicken dish, maybe I'll make sate with peanut sauce, the kids love it.

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

To Sophie's Birth Parents.....THANK YOU.

2010-02-13T10:16:00.004-05:00

***PLEASE GO HERE FIRST TO SEE THIS REPORT ON CNN ABOUT BABY HOPE IN CHINA***

To Sophie Birth Parents:

Thank you for choosing life for your daughter and our daughter. The choice you made may have been due to financial challenges of medical costs in China, it may have been due to your fear of what may be in your daughters future, but whatever the reason..... the bottom line is that you made a choice, a choice that she live. For that we will be forever grateful.

***UPDATE ON BABY HOPE***

She is taking questions

2010-02-02T19:39:00.002-05:00

Here is your chance to ask an adult adoptee a question without being scared:) Yoon Seon is a Korean adoptee and has offered to answer questions....about her, her thoughts on adoption, her thoughts on being a transracial adoptee etc. I would hate for you to miss the opportunity. Now go. Shoooo. You know you have a question or two to ask.

A No Controversy Post

2010-01-31T19:06:00.005-05:00

Yep that's right no controversy this week. Just a little update.

* I like to buy a book and provide a special snack for Sophie's class for Chinese holidays like the Moon Festival and Chinese New Year. Last year her class was small enough that I bought this for the class. This year the class was bigger so I went here and got this, this and this for her class. I got fortune cookies instead of almond cookies because I think there might be a kiddo with a nut allergy in her class ( I know they are not really Chinese...but kids LOVE them!) I also picked up a book for her class library. I hope her teacher and class enjoy the special book and treats!

* It snowed here yesterday to the tune of about 6-8 inches. Not a big deal in most parts of the country...but I will be lucky to get back to school by Wednesday. All three kids have had a blast playing in the snow. Personally I'm ready for spring!

* I went cotillion dress shopping with Hannah today. It is so hard to find any dresses for her that she likes and that fit her. She is so tall and skinny. The kids section is to "kiddish" for her and the juniors section dresses are too big.

* I need a girls weekend....baaaad! I need airline tickets to drop.

* Ben's X-b*x has died. Way too expensive to just replace. Way too much invested in games etc. not to find another one. His birthday is in February. Maybe his grandparents can kick in.

* Sophie is talking up a storm. Her vocabulary has exploded! She is using lots of "big" words and I'll be honest they sure sound funny coming out of her little mouth!

* There is nothing Sophie loves more than staying home with "my mom, my Hannah and my Ben" ( daddy always has to go to work)

Well thats it folks. Nothing exciting or controversial....this week.

Just Some Questions

2010-01-24T21:42:00.004-05:00

Ok I am going to guess that this post will offend or be interpreted in the wrong way....and this is not my intention. I am Catholic. I was raised Catholic by parents who didn't bring us to church. My sister and I would go to Church on our own once we were in 3rd grade I guess. Our Church was around the corner from our house. Now I am not speaking for ALL Catholics, but as Catholics we tend not to be well versed in the Bible....and for many cradle Catholics not well versed in our own faith practices. So that is my disclaimer....if I offend you blame it on me being Catholic:)

If your motivation for adopting was was related to your faith....for example you were "called" to adopt.....or maybe attended a Stephen Chapman concert or your church called on its congregation to adopt....How are you going to explain that to your child?? "God chose us to be your forever Mommy and Daddy" may lead her to think that God "Took her away from birth mother" which can only lead to why would God do that? How are you going to avoid your child thinking that you rescued her?

We see this quote from the scriptures often on blog headers, usually just a small portion.

"Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, "Give them up!" and to the south, "Do not hold them back." Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth" Isaiah 43:5-6

I found this link easily by g00gling scriptures for adoption.

I am not challenging you faith or your call to adopt. I read a comment a few weeks back and a parent had something to the effect that her daughter becoming part of her forever family was "preordained". That is was God's doing, and then there was a really great respectful response....but I can't remember where I read it!!

I suppose even if I did tell Sophie that it was God's will that she came to be part of our family, she might ask why does God not let Chinese children stay with their birth families, or why didn't God stop her birth parents from leaving her, or why did God make her with a special need???

I remember during one Mass awhile back during the homily the priest touched on "why God lets bad things happen" and oddly his response was simple but it truly resonated with me....the priest shared that "that sometimes when bad things happen it gives us the opportunity to be more Christ like"

Just thought I would ask.....

Adoptee's rights

2010-01-24T14:04:00.003-05:00

There are many powerful lines in this song. The one that struck me the most was....."I'm starting my life in Chapter 2"

Our children from China will not likely ever know their "roots". Maybe someday there maybe some kind of DNA data base for children who have been adopted to maybe be able to find their birth families....maybe.

Having said that I can't imagine knowing the information is out there and being denied access by the government. I get that it's a triad and the birth parents rights also need to be considered....but that should be some way to communicate, maybe between a liaison of some sort. Not all births are a result of an unwanted teenage pregnancy, unfortunately some are a result of violence. I do believe that adoptee's should have the right to seek information,and to have question answered if possible. It is a balance, but having the government say that one persons rights are more important than another's is not right.

There is LOTs Going On In My Pretty Little Head:)

2010-01-22T14:37:00.005-05:00

Here are just a few things bouncing around my head....

It is Friday and I am excited to go learn how to use my CM software that I bought...umm like 2 years ago!
Yoli has me rethinking sending Sophie to Chinese School to learn Mandarin. See her comment on my last post.

I suck at teaching my children to sleep on their own. Ben and Hannah didn't torture me as badly as Sophie has....but they didn't stop waking me up in the middle of the night until they turned 4 years old.

I am now sleeping on the trundle bed in Sophie's room. She cried for 30 minutes with me 6 inches away from her. I confess that I was exhausted and my reaction was not my proudest parenting moment.

I really really need her to sleep all night in her own bed. She really really needs to sleep all night in her own bed.

I ordered a weighted blanket. We are waiting for it to be delivered and are calling it "the magic mermaid sleeping blanket"

Apparently the biggest thing going on in my life right now is Sophie not sleeping.

Oh wait....I have a famous ex-boyfriend. No I will not kiss and tell....unless drinks are involved, a fire is burning in the firepit, and everyone listening is sworn to secrecy and laughter:) If you want to know what he looked like when I dated him you can LOOK here.

I have started back to the gym. I waited for everyone who started on January 1st to give up.

I bought a wii f1t....I was laughing so hard at sophie playing the soccer game I thought I was going to pee my pants. She is one funny kid!!

I really want to go visit her but the flights are so dang expensive.

and last but not least....

I miss my girls....big and little.

You Can't Buy Chinese Culture

2010-01-17T15:17:00.006-05:00

You can't buy culture. Chinese culture is changing every day. You can't get it at Chinese school on Saturday's or Chinese dance classes on Thursday's after school. You can't get it by celebrating the Moon Festival, Chinese New Year or even by eating "authentic" Chinese food once a week with chopsticks. The fact of the matter is unless you are Chinese you can't teach your child Chinese culture. Freakin' Fantastic! Now what?!?!?!

This is what we do...... We have incorporated the Moon Festival, and Chinese New Year into the many different holidays and traditions that we celebrate since getting married. We attend our local Chinese association events which are usually part of Chinese holiday celebrations. I am hoping to enroll Sophie in Chinese dance classes next year. ( we have decided not to enroll her in Chinese language school. Read this account of an adoptee's experience with Chinese school when she was younger). I am trying to get some recipes that are from Datong to at least make those a part of our holiday dinners. But the bottom line is that when she is with other Chinese kids, who have Chinese parents, and have grown up in Chinese families.... she really won't be any better off if we didn't do much about Chinese culture to begin with. By making the effort we are giving her an opportunity to get to know some easily accessible parts of Chinese culture....and I suppose these are the ones I can write a checks for.

Wonder Girls

2010-01-17T09:19:00.004-05:00

This is a video for a all girls group Wonder Girls from South Korea. They recently opened for the Jonas Brothers in the United States. They can be heard in every club in Shanghai and are trying to break into the US market. Granted this song has the potential to drive you insane. Can't wait to show it to Sophie and Hannah:)

What Will She Find....

2010-01-16T07:45:00.003-05:00

Technology has made the world a very small place. Many of you who stop here to visit don't live in NC and have never met me IRL (in real life), yet I come to you for advice, post pics for you to see and share my thoughts. It is a small little world we live in.

When talking with some other Moms with girls from China we have had chats about what information they will be able to seek out on their own. G00gle is a powerful tool. You can have the computer in your family room friends, but when she is at a friends house or you are busy she will have access to the internet one way or the other. Here are a few links and images that I found thinking like a 13 year old.

For these links I just put in China Abandoned Girls and only looked at the first page.

An article about the dying rooms

BBC News

How Chinese Girls Come to be abandoned-A Research Article

Not including the numerous blogs that have posted

Thousands of images that will break your heart

This is just a small sampling of what is out there for our girls to find. I wanted to write this post because I think our adoption community is currently wrapped up in who is the "mommy". Most would agree....Mommy is the one that is going to have to explain abandonment and what that means.

Treading lightly

2010-01-11T16:55:00.004-05:00

Lots and lots of talk in blog land about "gotcha" and the documentary "Adopted". Nothing I like more than lots of educated and heartfelt discussions. Being a parent is challenging. These have been some of MY observations.

Families that celebrate Gotcha day are not going to suddenly stop celebrating gotcha day.

It seems that many of the families that DO NOT celebrate Gotcha day have bio kids.

A movie will not change your mind about Gotcha day

A movie can change how you look and evaluate adoption.

You cannot turn Gotcha day into a birth story.....sorry you just can't do it, her life started long before that day.

Parenting is not for wimps, fairy godmothers, or ladybugs.

It is hard to find a good kids book that covers all the bases in an international adoption, such as abandonment/relinquishment, unknowns, birth parents, etc. ( I have a book idea that I am working on with T)

Saying that you will stop celebrating Gotcha day when your child tells you they don't want to celebrate it anymore puts lots of pressure on your kiddo...you may not think so right now, but when your teenager has to choose between friends and football or Gotcha day dinner, she will choose dinner so she doesn't hurt your feelings....she knows how much it means to you.

It is important to recognize that adoption is selfish..."I wanted to be a mom", "I wanted a daughter" etc. Not necessarily selfish in a mean and rotten way...but if the sentence starts with "I" friends it is about you....

I love hearing/seeing all sides of a discussion. I don't agree with all sides, and many of you don't agree with me...which is ok friends. It keeps things interesting and if a blog post can challenge me to be a better parent....it is all good.

Parenting is a journey, an uphill trek, a slippery slope. We can do the best we can, then try to do better.

Have I really told her she was adopted....

2010-01-10T09:33:00.005-05:00

Ummm nope. I am not sure I have even said "adopted", I have told Sophie that she was born in China, that she lived for sometime with the man holding her (foster father) in one picture and then with her friends at the SWI in China. I have told her that Mommy and Daddy went to China to bring her home etc. I have started telling her that she grew in her birth mothers tummy...she has no frame of reference for this...no one I know is pregnant. She looks at me like I have lost my mind...."Mama food goes in your tummy not babies"..... God help me.

Here is a great post that discusses if we have really told our children that they were adopted. Thanks Malinda!!

Tracy has posted about Gotcha day and about some kids adoption books that miss the mark. If you are looking for a great book that talks about" the night you were born" here is a great book. "On the Night You Were Born"....I love love love this book. There is no Mommy or Daddy in this book it is all about the baby, and the wind, the stars and animals. Love it.

"On the night you were born, the moon smiled with such wonder that the stars peeked in to see you and the night wind whispered,..."

How will she know she is adopted....

2010-01-09T08:13:00.004-05:00

I remember when we first decided to adopt from China. We were talking to Ben and Hannah about it and Ben asked "how will she know she is adopted, she is probably going to look like me" Part of the reason why he said that is that we have an Asian background. My Mom is Indonesian, and I am guessing that people have asked Ben "what are you??" I often got the same questions growing up. Of course we explained to Ben that she would know she was adopted because she would not likely look like us and we of course would talk about it with her......

Fast forward four years and I find myself scared sh*tless that Sophie is going to "remember the day she figured out she was adopted" All the pictures taken with the cameras I sent to China are in a small photo album that Sophie keeps in her book box. We look at it together and talk about her foster father, where she used to live in China and her "friends" in the pictures. We talk about how we came to China and brought her home with us to NC, I have shown her videos of the first moments that we met in China and she has very little interest in sitting and watching. All my friends and family are done being pregnant so the chances of that providing an opportunity to talk about how she grew in her birth mothers tummy are slim. I think that I am doing it right....we don't talk about her adoption a ton, but allow it to come up easily in conversation.

This is the stuff I think about when Sophie wakes me up in the middle of the night.....

Interesting and helpful post

Thank you....

2010-01-08T18:21:00.003-05:00

Thank you for all of your prayers and helpful comments. I spoke with Sophie's attachment therapist, he suggested putting her back in our room. I am "modifying" that a little and just letting her get in our bed with one of us instead of setting up her bed again in our room. Once she settles in again I am going to try sleeping on the trundle in her room or moving her from our bed after she falls asleep. That worked before the stress of going back to school kicked in. I love the long breaks, but it seems that it is really hard for Sophie to get back into the routine of going back to school.

Thanks again...you guys rock!

Sleep

2010-01-06T18:52:00.002-05:00

We have struggled and struggled with getting a good nights sleep for some time. We have good stretches, and I actually feel human. Sophie has slept in our room since coming home from China. About a month and a half ago, I felt attachment wise and healthy sleeping wise it was time for her to move in to her own room. Things were going pretty good for awhile. I really thought we finally were going to sleep. Then Christmas break rolled around and towards the end of break she was waking up twice a night. I told her that if she stayed in her bed all night she would get stickers...no one loves stickers the way Sophie loves stickers:) And that kind of helped. I also added that if it was dark out that she could not come in my room....well all that got me was her crying outside my door. *sigh* Since returning back to school she is a wreck and waking up 2-3 times a night crying wanting "mama" , before when she was waking up she wasn't crying. She is not having night terrors, I think she is waking up and I am not there ( I snuggle her until she is off to sleep....I know I know). I have tried to help her to go to sleep on her own....but she cries and just will not stay in her room. No matter what I do. Her cry has changed from a flat out freaking out panic cry, to a mild panicky cry for Mama. I have tried bringing her back to bed, kissing her and telling her good night, and leaving. Only to have her jump out of the bed as soon as I walk out of the room. Seriously I could bring her back and put her back in her bed until the sun comes up. I need help people. I need sleep. Sophie needs to sleep.

I should add that we have ALWAYS struggled with getting her down for a nap. Usually I throw her in the car and bring her home and put her in bed once she falls asleep. Over break I laid down with her a couple times and noticed that she was holding her breath and making a little noise when she let her breath out....she is holding her breath so she won't fall asleep!!! When I tell her to stop she usually does, but SHE IS HOLDING HER BREATH SO SHE WON"T FALL ASLEEP!! I asked her teacher about this today, and she said that she "makes a noise" when it is time to sleep....she usually stops when the teacher asks her to, then sleeps about 30 minutes.

HELP!!

DECEMBER 27th

2010-01-01T08:49:00.007-05:00

I have been lazy about getting this post up...I got it up on FB on time but not here so here is a little update.

I have TWO teenagers now! Hannah turned 13 years old on December 27th! In case you don't know Hannah here are a few things about my teenage girl.

* She never takes a bad picture. Seriously she is one photogenic chica.

* She likes being home. I suspect she will go to college right up the road.

* She is just b*tchy enough not to be a doormat, and still be a sweet girl.

* She is smart and works hard for her grades.

* Teachers looooove Hannah.

* She loves dogs...every kind of dog.

* She is tall and skinny.

* She loooooves chocolate.

* She has her Dad wrapped around her little finger.

* She still likes to snuggle.

* She loves pink and green.

* She is a fashionista.

* She is a good girl and makes us proud to be her Mom and Dad!

The cake!
Outside Carlo's

For Hannah's birthday we decided to make a "pilgrimage" to Carlo's Bakery in Hoboken New Jersey. Hannah and I love to crawl in to my bed and watch the Cake B0ss. I ordered a cake for Hannah's birthday in her favorite colors of course! My Iph*ne said that it would take us 8 hours or so to get there. Apparently Iph0ne does not have an app for the jersey turnpike! TEN hours later we arrived at our hotel! The next day we headed to the bakery only to find a huge line out the door. I am happy to say that the line moved pretty fast. I got Hannah's cake and some cupcakes for some friends back in NC. My Mom bought some yummy "lobster claws" and let me tell you, they were delicious! We don't have any Italian bakery's here where we live....just as well because I do loooove some Italian pastries!! It was a whirlwind of a trip but worth having to sit on the Jersey turnpike. It was a birthday that Hannah will never forget!

Hannah, cousins Lillian and Helen with Buddy the Cake B0ss!

Hannah and Buddy

Hannah with Buddy's sister Grace, cousins Lillian and Helen

2009-12-31T15:37:00.002-05:00

The last two years I have written these letters to the daughters of my dear friends who are waiting for the day that they hold their child. I still have friends waiting, but I also have friends who 2009 was the year that they finally held their daughters!

Dear Low Low,

So much going on with your family! You a have a big sister, two big brothers, 3 dogs, and horses! Remember last year I told you that you Mom was a professional mommy....I wasn't kidding was I! There is nothing she takes more seriously than her life as a mom. She hugs you and kisses every day. Your mom and daddy will always love you and keep you safe; they have whispered this promise to you many times. Your sister and brothers are teaching you so many new things. Everyone is so happy that you are finally home with them!!

Your mom has fought long and hard to bring you home sweet baby girl. Remember that there is nothing that your mom can't do! I believe that you and your mommy are kindred spirits....You both are strong and determined.

Love Mommy’s Friend,
Maryellen

Dear Claire,

What a strong and determined Mom you have! She is so smart and funny. She will show you that there is nothing that you can’t do once you put your mind to it! Waiting for you was hard, but your Mom will tell you that you were well worth the wait!! . Don't you just love your home! Your playroom is pretty cool! Your Mom did that just for you! She has a generous heart. She will always love you and you will always be the most important person in her life.

Sweet Claire now you know the love that your mommy has been keeping just for you. No longer will you have to wait for hugs and kisses....your mommy will always be there to keep you safe and to be sure that you know every minute of every day that you are precious.

Love Mommy’s Friend,
Maryellen

Dear Polar Cub,

This letter is one of the hardest for me to write. I have seen the tears in your Mom’s eyes. She loves you so much and aches to hold you. She is going to be such a great mom. She is kind and will teach you so many things. She has waited such a long time to be your mommy! She will read you stories, she will act silly and make Christmas cookies with you every year. She will teach you to be strong and believe in yourself. She will love you always; I have seen it in her eyes.

Your mommy is such a good friend. She has never stop loving or dreaming about you. The moment you are placed in your loving mommy's arms we will all be crying tears of happiness!

Guess what Polar Cub? She will be there very soon to bring you home! This is one baby announcement I can't wait to see!!!

Love Mommy’s Friend,

Maryellen

Dear Eme,

Your family has waited so long for you! What a perfect match God has made by placing you in the arms of this fun loving family! I could tell from your smiling picture that you and your new family were going to be perfect! Your mom will love you always, she has loved you for such a long time already and every time she holds you all you need to do is look into her eyes to see that this is true. Her love for you is endless and she will always be there to hold you and keep you safe, but more importantly to remind you that you are loved.

Love Mommy’s Friend,

Maryellen

Dear Gracie Mae,

What fun you are going to have with your Mommy and Daddy! Your home is filled with love, music and lots of laughter. Your mommy will teach to love unconditionally, because little Gracie that is how she loves you. She will show you that you can be strong and still cry. She will sing you songs, read you stories, play dress up and shower you with hugs and kisses. She will love and treasure you always.

Mommy and Daddy have a big surprise for you when you get home! You have a big sister named Georgia! Isn't that exciting!! Your big sister will teach lots of things! You will have so much fun together.

Love Mommy’s Friend,

Maryellen

Dear Ellis,

I wasn't kidding when I told you to be prepared to have your picture taken! Your Mom can’t help but capture beauty around her, and you, Ellis you have added so much beauty to your Mommy’s life. She has shown you that love is boundless by how much she loves and cares for her patients, friends and pets. She will continue to show you the simple yet amazing things all around. She will love you forever, she has promised that in her heart.

Your mommy has waited patiently and sometimes not so patiently to hold you Ellis. She has prepared a beautiful room for you! Your mom is amazing and not only does she capture the beauty of the world around her with her camera, she recognizes the beauty in everything and everyone. She has a kind and giving heart. I am lucky to call her my friend. She has so much to share with you.....

Love Mommy’s Friend,

Maryellen

And last but not least I wish all of you a Happy New Year! I hope and pray that this is the year that your daughters come home to the love that waits for them in each of your hearts.

Christmas Craziness

2009-12-26T09:24:00.004-05:00

Christmas even cookie making
Christmas 2009 was fantastic. As Ben and Hannah get older it gets harder and more expensive to find them something for Christmas. This year I was able to score a Bl@ck Friday netbook for Hannah which she luuuurvs and was totally surprised, and a l@ptop for Ben. Chris has also entered the realm of "good gracious does he really need another shirt or sweater???" so he got a new computer too! It is official I have the crappiest computer in the house:) Guess I know what I will be getting next year! Santa brought Sophie lots of stickers,paper, crayons and puzzles. She was so cute in the morning ( and I am happy to report that she slept until 8:00) . She went to get Chris out of bed and told him " wake up daddy Santa was here!" in just the cutest sweet little voice! After she opened up the gifts in her stocking she thought that was it! When I told her that Santa left her more presents under the tree she looked confused.....but quickly got over it and was ripping through gifts like a pro! Another Christmas bonus this year was that my Mom was here to celebrate with us and witness all the craziness that makes the holiday fun at our house!

Christmas 2009

2009-12-24T08:52:00.003-05:00

Merry Christmas friends! Enjoy the day with your friends and family.

Cotillion 2009

2009-12-22T08:53:00.003-05:00

Ben had his first semi-formal last night. He and his date Maggie, met up with friends for dinner and then went to the dance.....just one question....how did he get this big so fast????

A Special Need

2009-12-10T17:34:00.000-05:00

I posted this originally on our old blog "TBG Happenings".

Sophie's referral picture June '07

With the wait getting longer I wanted to talk to all you waiting families about special needs adoptions. First let me say that it is perfectly ok to consider adopting a special needs child because the wait has become insanely long. There I said it. Do I think that should be the only reason, certainly not, but if the wait has given you pause to consider a child with a special need …..Why not! In some ways I think that the wait has been the best thing for children in China who will NOT be adopted domestically because of a special need. More families around the world have opened their hearts to children with various special needs. Many of these children may not have found their family had the wait stayed at 8-9 months. We were added to our agency waiting family list one month after our LID backing ’06. The climbing wait definitely was a factor, but it was also something that we had talked about and gone back and forth discussing. I can’t imagine not having our Sophie. If the wait had been shorter this crazy, funny, smart and loving girl would not be sleeping next to me. Sophie was on another agency list back in December of last year. Her information was posted several times on the WC yahoo board. Unfortunately she had to wait longer for us to find her and bring her home, and I hate that. But I am grateful that we found each other. Her file was sent back to the CCAA in January ’07 and in June her file was sent to our agency.

Only you can decide what special needs you can handle. Only you know if you would be able to handle the costs of surgeries and therapy if that is needed. We carefully considered each special need on our agency list, and were honest about what we could handle as a family and as parents. We considered Sophie’s special need to be manageable for our family. It has not been easy, but it certainly has not been harder than we expected. Her prognosis for a long and healthy life is excellent.

Love without Boundaries has produced an informational CD about the various special needs most commonly found in China adoptions. The disc is $10 and once LWB gets their site up again you should be able to order the disc.

Adoption like birth provides no guarantees. If you feel the tug of your agency special needs program, take a chance….you may just find your daughter.

Sophie’s special need was us; our special need was Sophie

I need to be a better blogger

2009-12-05T23:02:00.005-05:00

So to make up for my lack of posting. I leave you with a song from Sophie

A Yearly Thanksgiving Tradition.....

2009-11-25T13:15:00.002-05:00

16 Fun Filled Years -11/12/1993

2009-11-13T17:15:00.004-05:00

I should add with a few sucky months thrown in to keep it "real":) I added the year so as you were laughing hysterically at the sheer volume of my up do you could take in to consideration that it was 1993 in Western Massachusetts....which really means it was closer to the fabulous 80's. Check out Chris weighing more than he does now and with hair! I am going to throw in some bullets because I am exhausted and I don't want to worry about grammar etc.

Chris and I actually have 2 anniversaries. We got married by the JP on July 15, 1993 so I could add Chris to my insurance. He was just starting his company and was diagnosed with caratus conos (I wrote that phonetically cuz I have no idea how to spell it)

When I told my Dad that we were going to be getting married sooner because of Chris' diagnosis. His response..." You are marrying an unemployed blind guy??? Do you want a seeing eye dog for a wedding gift??" It still makes me laugh. Not nice. But funny all the same.

Our first wedding was a secret. Only our parents and siblings knew.

This was probably a good thing because I was nice and calm the day of our wedding in November.

Our family needed something to celebrate. My maternal grandfather passed away at the beginning of the week right before our wedding.

That made things insane for my Mom. She doesn't really remember much about our wedding.

Lots of people I know that have been married around the same amount of time Chris and I have been married are divorcing or separating....freaks me out a little. I want to shake them and remind them that there was a time that they thought their spouse hung the moon......

I don't know anyone married more than 10 years that hasn't had some sucky marital months to work through....us included.

Chris and I are heading out for some Thai food tonight. No kids. Just some yummy food , beer and uninterrupted conversation. I love this man dearly. He is the my perfect match. He loves me and he makes me laugh every day....he is my dream.

"Orphan" Sunday

2009-11-08T13:47:00.004-05:00

I going to link to another blog that addresses "Orphan" Sunday in a more eloquent way than I ever could......I understand that the motivations behind"Orphan" Sunday are good....but as a parent of a child who was once an orphan I have to wonder what it would be like for her to be with her faith community and see faces "splashed" across a big screen that look like hers, the not so positive opinions of her birth country shared, feeling like we "rescued" her from a life not as good as ours here in the USA. I would add to Malinda's prayer that we pray for all children everyday that they feel His love and presence in their lives.

Sophie K-3 2009

2009-11-02T18:57:00.001-05:00

Halloween 2009

2009-11-01T20:11:00.005-05:00

Big Ben and Little Ben
Hannah as "willow the tree-hugging hippie

Our little "queen bee" Sophie
Heather, Calvin and Hobbs, and Sleeping Beauty.
Sophie and Sleeping Beauty.

Whew! We just got back in to town. We left at 6:00am Saturday morning for a lax tournament about an 1.5 hours from our house. We made plans with friends in the area to trick or treat. We had a great time but we are all seriously exhausted!

Hannah's 5 minute chocolate cake

2009-10-29T17:18:00.002-04:00

Hannah made this last night and it was quite yummy....especially if you need a chocolate fix baaad.

4 tablespoons flour
4tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips ( optional. Use if you want to make a "lava cake")
small splash of vanilla

Add the dry ingredients to a microwave safe coffee mug and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly. Pour in the milk and oil and mix well. Add chocolate chips and vanilla. Mix again. Put mug in microwave and cook for 3 minutes on high power ( 1,000 watts) The cake will rise over the top of the mug. Allow to cook and tip out onto a plate.

Hannah hopped over to Lisa's blog and made her buttercream frosting less the mint. I had a little bite ( that is all Hannah would give me:) and it wasn't bad.

Enjoy!

Lake House 2009

2009-10-27T22:21:00.005-04:00

The "Princess Mafia"

2009-10-27T19:46:00.003-04:00

I admit to stealing the "Princess Mafia" tag from Maia. The picture above was taken from this site. Even when Hannah was little we didn't get sucked in to the D*sney Princess stuff. We went to the PARK when Hannah was in first grade and she was more interested in M*ckey Mouse than the mafia. We did go to the castle for breakfast and all the girls where there except for the girl who is "supposed" to live there! Fine with us, we were more disappointed that M*lan wasn't included in the characters joining us for breakfast.... Apparently she isn't "princess" material. Figures since long before our journey to China began M*lan was the d*sney character Hannah and I liked most!

Lots of girls like to dress up ( Hannah always did and Soph is now starting to enjoy the dress up box).....to many it is just part of the gig of being a kid. Our dress up box has fancy dresses to pirate hats. Pretending to be a princess or a pirate for that matter is an important part of child play, but I really do have to question the marketing push of the princess mafia. They are everywhere...and lets be honest the marketing is cheesy. Pink sweatsuits with the mafia on the back. There are cuter outfits out there!

I am not anti-princess. I guess I am anti-D*sney Princess. I know that there are better Princess characters out there for our girls to pretend to be and admire.

More to it than you think.....

2009-10-21T22:34:00.003-04:00

Sophie and I recently returned from our girls weekend up at the lake house. Our lives have transitioned from adopting to sorting through all that adoption brings to a family. There were lots of discussions about abandonment, and how we hope to address it with our daughters, in an honest and open way. How we hope to be able to provide a safe environment to "walk that journey with our daughters". Amy with LWB recently posted yet another scenario that parents of children with special needs should consider as they explore the possible scenarios of their child's abandonment.

Calling All Fashionista's!

2009-10-12T06:12:00.003-04:00

Check out Miss Vivi Jo! The girl has mad style!! Her mom,Kim, Vivi jo's "stylist" is having a give away on her blog. Kim will be giving away a custom made dress from this etsy artist. So scoot on over and check out Miss Vivi Jo's fashions and enter to watch me win this cute dress for Sophie:) While you are drooling over the super cuteness of Vivi Jo I should warn you that she has a super cute little brother Max who will just melt your heart! Max is one cute little guy who is also one of Sophie's Datong brothers! Max met his family about a week after we met Sophie. Maybe we will have some more Datong luck and Sophie will win a new dress!!!

GO BUY THIS DVD!

2009-10-10T07:17:00.008-04:00

I have seen pictures of your daughters closets. You need to go buy this movie. The wait is so insanely long that you shop. Get your friends who have also adopted to chip in and buy this movie to share with each other. You have spent more money on less. Frankly I think adoption agencies need to include it in their " congratulations" you have decided to adopt packets.

I have been watching the documentary Adopted. It is a powerful film that every person no matter where they are in the adoption process should watch. The film makers have also included another DVD that discusses many issues and challenges that families face when adopting. The "we can do better" series begins at what motivates people to adopt. This was a powerful piece, in essence we adopt for selfish reasons. I want a daughter, I want more children,I want to be a mother. We often read about adoption beginning in loss...our children lose their birth families, birth culture etc., but I have never really heard adoption discussed as something selfish. Not necessarily in a negative way, but in a honest way. There is lots for us to talk about in the adoption community that for whatever reason we refuse to face. I isn't as clean and tidy as you thought it would be...is it??

Quote from the movie Adopted " You only got her because she was abandoned...."

When a Name is More than a Name

2009-10-09T16:12:00.003-04:00

I am really enjoying my conversations exploring all the adoption stuff that I didn't talk about much during the wait.

Sophie's name is special in many ways. We chose Sophia really just because we liked it. Its a grown up name and Sophie is a cute little girls name. It worked and we all liked. Sophie's middle name is June. June was Chris' grandmothers' name. Hannah has my grandmothers name, Mae. So we have a Hannah Mae, and a Sophia June...Mae and June:) plus our family last name. We kept Sophie's Chinese name. We kept her name because in essence that is all she had when she came to us. Names bind us to our family, our nationality , to our history......I hope that Sophie feels that we were able to provide her with all those things when we chose her name as well as when we decided to keep her Chinese name. I love this book. I think it must sum up how an child who has been adopted must feel about "names".

Here are so more detailed post on how important a name can be for a child who was adopted here and here and here

Great Find!

2009-10-08T06:06:00.003-04:00

There is a whole lotta blogs out there! My husband has bloglines with a ton of travel, expats blogs, and finance blogs. This week a came across a couple of adoption blogs that take a good, sometimes critical look at adoption, adoption parenting etc. The tough stuff that "waiting" blogs tend not to address. These ladies are discussing some important, not often discussed topics. I don't necessarily agree with all the opinions shared, but they sure do get you thinking!

(Update: Fixed my typos. Sorry...it was an early morning post:)

Go visit Malinda

O Solo Mama

They both have tons of links to other blogs and resources. Good stuff

Mooncakes

2009-10-03T10:21:00.003-04:00

What to celebrate how to celebrate....these were the some of the things that Chris and I talked about before bringing Sophie home. We decided to integrate the Mid Autumn festival and Chinese New Year in to our family celebrations. We are not going to pretend that we celebrate these festivals accurately but we bring bits and pieces in to our family traditions. So along with hiding Easter Baskets (Chris' family tradition) , leaving out wooden shoes for St.Nicholas (my family tradition) and celebrating Mid Autumn festival and CNY we are a family with lots of celebrations all year long!!

Sophie brought mooncakes and a moon festival book to school today to share with her friends. We made this recipe below and added some powdered sugar for added fun:)

Easy Mooncakes

Needed:
1. 1 Can Pillsbury "Grand rounds" refrigerated biscuits
2. Strawberry preserves (do not use jelly)
3. 1 egg

Here is what to do:
1. Wash your hands

2. Open and separate biscuits.

3. Working on a floured surface, press the biscuits flat into 3 inch circles, leaving the middle a little thicker then the edges.

4. Put a teaspoon of preserves into the center of each biscuit.

5. Pull the edges up over the filling and squeeze them together to seal. Make sure they're well sealed or the filling will leak out!

6. Roll the biscuits into balls and put them 2 inches apart on a greased baking sheet with the crimped side down.

7. Flatten them down gently with your hand until they're about 1/2 inch thick.

8. Beat the egg with one tablespoon water, just until it is mixed. ( I left this off due to a friend in Soph's class having a egg allergy)

9 Brush the mooncakes with the egg mixture.

10. Bake as directed on the package or until golden brown.

11. Put on racks to cool when done.

12. When cooled toss mooncakes in a gallon ziplock bag with some powdered sugar.

AMEN!!

2009-09-28T18:12:00.002-04:00

Many people celebrate their "gotcha, metcha, family day" We do not. Our reasons are that kids celebrate birthdays....not gotcha days. Really do you celebrate your bio kids "positive pregnancy test day" or "the night dad got lucky"??? Ok....I am being a little snarky but you get my point. I read a post once about a little boy adopted from Russia. He had brothers and sisters who were the bio kids of his adoptive parents. He hated celebrating gotcha day because it reminded him that he was adopted and not like his brothers and sisters. Made sense to us. Hop on over to here and read a better stated point on gotcha day.

Dinner is Ready!

2009-09-27T17:08:00.003-04:00

I need to share something with each and everyone of you....pull up a chair. Remember when I posted about making a meal plan and list before going grocery shopping?? Well guess what it totally works and I am saving my family $$$ and no one is losing any weight:) One of my favorite discoveries are the "Don't Panic, Dinner is in the Freezer" cookbooks. Even with being a full time teacher and driving kids from this place to the next I try to make dinner almost every night. The tough part was I was like a freakin' maniac trying to make something for dinner that I could put together quickly and throw in the oven. Now on Sundays I make my meal plan, look to see what I need and head to the grocery store. When I get home I unpack and start cooking or preparing as many meals for the week that I can get away with! You have no idea how this has decreased my stress level. I take dinner out of the freezer before leaving for work ( and even if I forget it isn't a big deal, I just defrost it in the microwave). When I get home I am good to go! Usually all I need to do is is make a side item and some veggies. I am going to share an easy recipe with you I tweaked it a little to fit our families tastes, but it is easy and delicious! (the original recipe calls for marjoram,thyme, and sun dried tomatoes. It also recommends a cream sauce, but we didn't care for it much)

Enjoy!

Italian Stuffed Chicken Breasts. (serve with a side of pasta,garlic bread and a salad)

6 boneless chicken breasts
salt and pepper
dry Italian seasoning
6 mozzarella/string cheese sticks
6 thin slices of prosciutto ham

Cooking day:

Flatten chicken breast to 1/8 of an inch. Season with salt and pepper, and Italian seasoning. Wrap each mozzarella stick with 1 slice of prosciutto. Place wrapped mozzarella stick in the center of each chicken breast. Roll chicken breast around filling. Wrap each chicken breast individually in plastic wrap. Freeze in a freezer bag. ( nope no cooking)

Serving day:

Thaw completely. Unwrap chicken breast and place close together in a baking dish. Baste with 4 tablespoons of butter and sprinkle with a little bit of italian seasoning. Bake at 350 degrees for 35-40 minutes basting every 15-20 minutes. Do not over bake or chicken will be tough. Bake until juices run clear.

While chicken is finishing up cook pasta and heat sauce.

Serve chicken with sauce on top and a side of pasta.

3 Words

2009-09-20T12:35:00.003-04:00

***3 words by Hannah***

Reminders

2009-09-14T20:08:00.004-04:00

Thank you Sandra for reminding me how quickly time passes and how fast our babies grow!!! This is a picture of Matt, Sandra's husband, holding Sophie shortly after her first surgery. She is 18 months old in this picture. Made me cry a little today:( and smile:) My girl has been through so much and through it all she has kicked and screamed, giggled and hugged! My love for her knows no limits.

Thanks Sandra...*smooches*

3 Words

2009-09-13T17:43:00.004-04:00

**** 3 words by Hannah****

This is Wrong...But so Stinkin' Funny!

2009-09-05T12:30:00.003-04:00

In case you have not heard the D*ggars are expecting again. I don't watch their show but for whatever reason every time they announce that they are expecting I see it on the T0day show. I think this might be kid #19. The need more cable stations.

Buckshot (title stolen from Pipo)

2009-09-04T18:03:00.004-04:00

Since this post is going to be all over the place I decided to steal a title from Pipo...I know she won't mind:)

School is going well. It is stressfull ,so much to do and so little time.
Sophie is doing GREAT! The first few days of pre-school drop off were difficult for her and daddy, but each day it got better. She only cried the first three days. I would say that was "typical" three year old transition behavior.
The only side effect I noticed last week was Sophie trying to control EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. This week that behavior has subsided.
The news of the loss of Lavender this week hit me hard. I did not realize she had passed away, and worse her mother is now charged with her murder. Lavender was from the same orphanage as Sophie. Please go to her memorial site . You can read about the arrest of her mother here. Breaks my heart.
Lots of young babies this time around. Referral posts never get old. I love them!
My last post inspired her. I love being an inspiration to my friends...*snort* ( I bought the cookbook my sister told me to get PM we can snuggle around the fire in October and read it together.....such fun:)
I am posting this especially for her.

I have a kid in high school....

2009-08-25T17:47:00.002-04:00

It has hit my like a ton of bricks...I have a freshman in high school. Seriously he was just in kindergarten!! It is true those middle school years fly by...

Hannah is in 7th grade. We are carpooling with a boy in her grade. I asked her today if they talked walking into school...."mom, noooo we did not talk" insert eye rolling and crossed middle school girl arms!

Sophie started K3 today. We changed from a daycare setting to a more "academic" day. Chris had to pry her ever lovin' hands off of him when he dropped her off...but she only cried for 5 minutes then enjoyed the rest of her day.

My first day of school was uneventful. I was only able to pull one student today but I will be pulling kids to assess the rest of the week. I am excited to be 1.6 miles from my house and know that I have a strong purpose for being at this school. It isn't going to be easy. There will be lots of changes and I will be working hard to establish the special education department as a department that works equally as hard as our general ed counterparts. This of course will require ALL members of the EC team to work and serve children.

One of my favorite quotes from my old school is "Teaching ALL children to MY fullest potential" My teacher readers will really appreciate the power in that quote. I put it on my board as a reminder to myself and to those who don't know me!

Hope everyone has a great school year...did you know that I have a freakin' freshman in high school. To quote a good friend, " I need a rum"

3 words

2009-08-23T15:19:00.006-04:00

This post has nothing to do with my 3 words except to mention and thank T for giving me a bead to add to my Pandora. I was going to wait to get Hannah started on her bracelet in December when she turns 13 years old. Buuuut when my mom was here she was sporting her Pandora and so was my niece Lillian, so Oma got Hannah started a little early.

Soon as summer break ends it is "GAME ON!" All three of my kids head back to school this week. I am kind of sorta looking forward to some routine around here...kind of:) I am going to try preparing parts of my meals for the week to help save prep time. This weekend I did a menu and checked to be sure I had everything I needed then headed to the grocery store with my list and coupons ( I suck at using coupons. I did save a whopping $5 today tho) Also I usually don't shop with a list. I buy the same stuff every week...but this week with my list I spent $70 dollars less! Ok...then I went to costco and spent the $70 I didn't spend at the grocery store, but I won't have to go back to costco for 2 weeks. I am trying to keep our food bill to what you would pay monthly for a small used car, but it is hard! I don't have time to go store to store and well I try to use the coupons, but usually there aren't any coupons for what I need anyway. I do have to admit that going with a list helped.

Once school starts the running from place to place starts. Thankfully the only person I have to run to practice in the fall is Hannah. Unfortunately Hannah will have soccer games Saturdays and Sundays and Ben will have lacrosse on Saturday and Sundays. I am dying to find out how my housework is going to get done and who the heck will be going to the grocery store!

Happy Back To School!

Thank God Tomorrow is Friday!!

2009-08-20T20:13:00.002-04:00

Whew I am so glad tomorrow is Friday!! Why you ask??

* First week back to school/work.

* That means getting up early.

* Apparently Sophie knew about that and decided to help me out, and has been up at
3:30am all week. She goes back to sleep but she is flippin' and floppin'

* I am trying to create a special education "team" at my new school.

* Some people don't like playing on a team.

* We were hoping to grow our family by one...but it wasn't meant to be.Makes me sad.

* Sophie got sprung by her attachment therapist. Makes me happy. We will keep in touch with him and go see him as needed, but I think she's good.

* I freakin' love Bravo TV...which makes going to be early kind of hard.

* Being on vacation for 8 weeks makes going back to work really really hard.

* Time to start running ( again, again and again) to help relieve stress or I will drive my husband crazy with my b*tchin'

I'm Just Sayin'

2009-08-17T16:09:00.000-04:00

Hold on to your hat!

2009-08-17T09:10:00.004-04:00

* Just got back from visiting Pug mama and the family this weekend. T and Eme also made the trip and as always we had a great time! We laughed, we ate yummy gumbo and kabobs....but the best part of all was seeing our three beautiful daughters from China sitting together, running together and just having a good ol' time. I missing low low and Sophie running around with Eme bear crawling right behind them!

* I start back to work this week. Lots of staff meetings and getting ready for kids to come back to school. I have been at school all summer working on my room, and trying to figure out sped files. I am starting at a new school 1.6 miles from my house. It is a very good school, and when Sophie starts kindergarten in 2 years she will be able to come to school with me! I am leaving a school that I loved, but I was just tired of driving 45 minutes a day. I could never run over to school and when my kids had something right after school I was like a bat out of hell trying to get home in time. I will miss everyone, but I am excited to be starting something new. For the first time I will be working with 4th and 5th graders. I know I will miss my little ones, but it will be fun to do new things!

* Ben starts high school next week, Hannah is heading to 7th grade and Sophie is going to a new pre-k. I am tired from just writing that. Oh did I mention while I was sipping drinks poolside at PM's house I should have been shopping for school supplies. Guess we will be doing that sometime this week:)

* It's going to be a busy week, but I am looking forward (kind of) to getting back on a schedule.

Conversations....

2009-08-06T18:22:00.008-04:00

An afternoon snack and conversation with Sophie:

Me: Hey Sophie

Sophie: Yes Mommy ( she is so polite)

Me: Soph, why do you climb into my bed at night?

Sophie: To get kisses

Me: Oh....thats ok then:)

More Beach Pictures...

2009-08-05T09:09:00.002-04:00

Back from the Beach

2009-08-02T21:23:00.003-04:00

We had a fantastic time at the beach. This year my Mom (Oma) and my niece Lillian joined us for lots of sun and sand. The sun part was an important part since they are visiting for New England, and well I don't think the sun has been out much this summer! We swam in the warm NC waves, toured Ft.Macon, walked the historical sites in Beaufort and ate lots of delicious NC shrimp! This summer Sophie let the water from the waves touch her toes, but I think she is like her big sister.....I have two "chlorine girls" on my hands! More pics later!

This Could Change Your Life.....

2009-07-24T17:32:00.003-04:00

New Grand Prize Added!

2009-07-20T16:49:00.002-04:00

A new grand prize has been added! Check it out! Just Click on Ellis and she will bring you right where you need to go! If you are the grand prize winner you will have a choice of grand prizes!! Very Cool!

Shhhh......can you hear that???? I think I can hear your quilt squares calling from the plastic box you have them stored in!! The lady who made Sophie's quilt and I are trying to help bring Ellis home. As of right now the bidding to have Robin make your 100 wishes quilt is up to $85....still much less than what I paid Robin to make Sophie's quilt. Head over to here and bid bid bid!!

Public Service Announcement

2009-07-17T08:41:00.004-04:00

As many of you know Sophie has really struggled with sleeping. She does not have "night terrors". She hyper vigilant when it comes to going to sleep, she fights sleep like its the enemy. Once asleep she tends to be very restless. When she was in her crib up against our bed she would get up on her knees and fall back down on the mattress....I thought for sure she was going to break my nose while I slept and she dove on to the bed. We have talked to the attachment therapist about these sleep issues, and he of course has said that it is not uncommon. But the truth of the matter is that if she is tired and not well rested we can not do the attachment work that we need to do to help her feel safe, secure and loved. What to do????? Well my friends I have started using a homeopathic sleep aid made especially for children to help Sophie relax and have a restful sleep. It has made all the difference in the world for the both of us!! A tired cranky toddler with a tired and cranky mommy will not have the energy to have fun together and strengthen attachment.

We have started using Calms Forte for Kids and it is like magic. This is not a sleeping pill. This has allowed Sophie to relax and get the sleep she so desperately needs. This product doesn't even come with a kid proof cap it is that safe! You can buy it at vitamin or health food stores. The directions recommend dissolving under the tongue. Yeah good luck with that, the trick is for your munchkin not to chew the tiny tablet. They taste sweet and dissolve quickly. You give the tablets in 15 minute increments before bedtime. I give Sophie 4 doses of 2 tablets every night and it works great. No more taking an hour to fall asleep, no more waking in the middle of the night, she is talking less in her sleep and the restlessness has all but disappeared.

This product has been a life saver for the both of us!!

100 Wishes Quilt

2009-07-11T10:54:00.002-04:00

Hey girls. Is your daughter home from China and you still have all of her quilt squares sitting in a box??? Are you trying to figure out how the heck you will find the time to make her quilt??? You have to make her quilt....you called your mother a zillion times "reminding" her that you needed her wish and quilt square! Well my faithful blog readers ( all 4 of you:) I have a solution to your little quilt problem!

Click over to bring ellis home and and you can bid on getting your girls quilt made by Robin. Robin made Sophie's quilt and she loooves it. It is the perfect size for snuggling on the couch, playing on the floor, and traveling in the car. Bidding is starting at $60 well below what I paid Robin to make Soph's quilt. So get those quilt squares together and go bid!

Chip in

2009-07-09T19:58:00.002-04:00

Yeah this is not a rant about the chip in button. I give up. Plus I just love this low on cash mommy:)

She is raffling off some cool stuff so head over and hit the dang chip in button.....one last time!

July Already!

2009-07-07T08:03:00.002-04:00

I can't believe that W@lmart has started putting out back to school supplies....I am NOT ready for that thank-you-very-much!
I went looking for a little dance or gymnastic class for Sophie. Classes start at $40 a month for dance, $50 -$70 for gymnastics a month. Seriously??? She is three years old!!!
I should find out next week where I will be teaching. I hope this move doesn't bite me in the a$$.
I usually make the kids doctor and dentist appointments in the summer so I don't take a day off from work.....I am sick of going to the doctors and dentist during summer vacation.
I am back on the couch. I need to start running again, I will have to start over. Sucks.
Sophie is doing great. We were having some really good luck with sleep, but apparently that is over and she is back to waking up couple times during the night.
Sophie is wearing big girl panties! I would like to say it is a done deal but she is still having accidents. She does not like for me to "try" to be the boss of her peepee's.
Rent Revolutionary Road. Great movie.
Red B*x movie rentals rock. You can't beat a movie rental for a buck!!

Hope everyone is having a great summer!

It is Different

2009-07-01T10:20:00.004-04:00

You do not want to believe that parenting your child from China is going to be different than how you parented your other kids. She is just your child, just like your others....right???? You love her just as much as if you had given birth to her yourself! But the reality is that it has to be different to meet the needs of this child. The child that comes to you with experiences that you will never know. Experiences that impact her ability to love and trust completely.

To be honest parenting Sophie is different in as many ways as it is/was the same with Ben and Hannah. Of course the initial differences are in the beginning when we were really focusing on the attachment with bottle feedings and carrying her as much as we could ( with hind sight being 20/20 those are two things that I wished we held on to longer). When Ben and Hannah were 16 months old we were fostering independence, for Sophie at 16 months we were trying to turn back the clock. My expectations for Sophie are the same as they are for Ben and Hannah, those things are not different.....the way we go about it is going to be different.

Yesterday we met with an attachment therapist. We are seeking help on the best way to set limits and give consequences and to increase her level of trust with us. Sophie has really done well considering all that she has been through in China as well as the surgeries and treatments she has endured here in the U.S. My girl amazes me with her strength! Sophie is very protective of her feelings. She is happy to get kisses and hugs from mommy and daddy, but more controlling when it comes "giving love". She also likes to control as much of her environment as she can, even if it is just lining up her crayons. We need to get our beautiful daughter to trust us completely....surrender to our love and care for her. I believe with help from the AT that we will be able to accomplish this in a short time.

One of the areas that I have really struggled with is discipline. The strategies I used with Ben and Hannah as well as with my kiddos in my classroom do not work. No stickers, or bribes will work. Potty training has been an eye opening experience. At this time Sophie does not demonstrate a desire to please me like most kiddos, although when she does something that she knows I will get excited about she will tell me "She did it" but when I try to help.....she fights me. Sophie is a good girl, but she has to learn consequences or we will have some big problems ahead of us! She can be defiant and oppositional. The challenge for me is shaking out the typical three year old stuff from the behaviors related to her trauma and loss. It is not so easy.

I am a student at heart. Give me books, resources, research and I will pour over it and discuss it to death:) So my friends I share with you my list;

The Connected Child. I read this before going to China. This is a must have!

Taming the Tiger while it is a Kitten. I wish I had listened to this before going to China. We are applying strategies now and I believe they are helping.

The Happiest Toddler on the Block. Recommended by Nancy Thomas. Kind of goofy but I have incorporated some of these strategies and they seem to help diffuse a hissy fit:)

Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control. Recommended by our AT. I like it! Every adoptive parent needs to read this book!

Beyond Consequences Volume 2. I have not started this one yet. It is a continuation of the first book and I expect it to be just as helpful.

All of our babies come to us with attachment issues of one type or another. Our children have suffered a loss. Foster care does not guarantee a child will not have attachment issues. Sure foster care is better than laying in a crib all day....that is if the foster care is good. Facilitating healthy attachment is a process that continues well beyond your one year "gotcha day".

If you have any other resources that you just loooove and can't do without leave me the info!

End of School year 2009- JUNE 10th

2009-06-25T07:15:00.004-04:00

Ok my June is going to be all out of order...oh well.

Here are Ben, Hannah and Sophie on the first day of school.
Here they are on the last day of school.
Grow much this year??? WTH!!

School year highlights:

Ben
* Great 3 years in middle school. I am now a mother to a freshman in high school!
* Made A/B honor roll for the entire year.
* Passed the Algebra end of course test. ( typically given to freshman not 8th graders!)
* Received the Social Studies Award for his 8th grade team. ( must be cuz he such a world traveler:)
* Made the all-star Lax team and participated in the NC State Games.
* Great Kid!

Hannah
* Great transition to middles school! Made lots of new friends.
* Made the A honor roll for the entire school year!
* 6th grade ambassador and member of school leadership team.
* Received the Math Award for her 6th grade team ( seriously they do not get the math gene from me!)
*Made the travel soccer team.
* Great kid!

Sophie
* Slept in her own room for a total of 2 weeks:)
* Can do a somersault.
* Adding lots of new words everyday.
* Saying longer sentences.
* Loves to paint and draw.
* President of the Dora fan club
* Great Kid!

Ben, Hannah and Sophie we are so proud of each of you!!

Do Over

2009-06-22T17:56:00.002-04:00

I will be posting soon with all that has happened in June. There is lots I need to post! So I will be "doing over" June some time this week!!

Cincy so far...

2009-06-16T08:59:00.002-04:00

So far things have been just a "wee" bit challenging, but Sophie is one tough cookie! Our decision to stay at the RMH has worked out great! We are right across the street from the hospital and can shoot right over in the morning for Soph's xray...which she has daily! A med that we tried caused the worst blisters on her bottom that I have ever seen. I felt so awful. One of the moms here at RMH told me to put some milk of magnesia on it and then wrote down a name of some cream to put on it. It really worked! Sophie is doing much better this morning!

Yesterday we went to the Cincy Zoo. Sophie was able to feed a giraffe a cracker! Kind of cool. We might head back there today depending on the weather. We have gone to the kids museum a couple to times too. I have started carrying Sophie is a "hot sling" and she is loving it! It is especially helpful when we go to the hospital and she is feeling nervous. She sits right on my hip and snuggles right in:) I don't thing that the sling is the way to go if you will be carrying a 30 lb toddler for an extended amount of time, for that I would definitely recommend the ergo. The good thing about the sling is that it is easy to use and not bulky.

I am going to try to upload some pics today. I keep getting kicked off the Internet before my pics have a chance to load.

Talk to you soon!

We Made It!

2009-06-14T17:37:00.003-04:00

I am happy to report that Krista survived countless hours in the car with me and Soph! She resisted the urge to sing along to the "wheels on the bus...." and after having us at her house for the weekend she is still convinced she wants to join the mommy club:)

On Saturday night we made our way to visit Robin and Maddy for fun and some yummy food and beverages! This was just what Sophie and I needed after our long drive and hospital days on Thursday and Friday. Thank you Robin for including us in your family celebration!

Sophie an I had big plans to make the rounds at our Ohio friends homes....but moving and shaking with a three year old that is here in cincy for medical reasons has proven to be overwhelming for the both of us! So we put our name on the list at the RMH and were able to get a room today. It is right across the street from the hospital which will work our great since we have appointments all this week before 9:00. We are still planning on visiting C & C and hanging out our her new deck. I am truly so thankful for the friends I have met on this journey.

Keep on Swimming, Keep On Swimming

2009-06-08T22:05:00.003-04:00

Remember in Finding N*mo Dory kept saying keep on swimming when N*mo's dad wanted to give up?? Well I don't feel the need to give up, but I am a tad overwhelmed at the moment. Tomorrow is my last day of school. I have not signed my contract yet because I am waiting to see if I am able to transfer to a school closer to our house. Having said that our school system is making staff cuts like CRAZY! Scary crazy. NC is going to have use stimulus money to build jails at this rate. Anyway that is weighing on me. I currently have a job at a great school, but I want to be closer to home. I will have to wait and see.

We leave Wednesday to go to CCH for Sophie to see her doctor. It has been almost 2 years since her surgery and we need to work out some problems she is having. Nothing life threatening, but something that can only be best handled in Cincy. I am lucky to have so many great friends that live in Ohio. (I would link to them but to be honest I am freakin' tired and am posting between loads of laundry) These gracious ladies have agreed to put Sophie and I up while we are in Ohio.....although one just came down with the crud, and we might need to do some juggling. No worries everything always works out....Right???

I also think I/we need to do some back pedaling with Sophie's attachment. There is just something not right. I can't put my finger on it, I just feel it. Soon we will beginning the attachment activities and structure outlined in "Taming the Tiger While it is Still a Kitten" by Nancy Thomas. I only wished I had listened to this CD BEFORE going to China. If you have not listened to this go google it and buy it! Your kid is worth it.

I will be on the road with Sophie and Krista Wednesday. ( Crazy K is flying in tomorrow to have dinner with me and Hannah and then she is driving back to Cincy with me and Soph. She is under the impression that this is going to be fun. I am not sure who told her that, but I am optimistic that Sophie will prove to be a good traveler like her brother and sister.)

Gaaaw She is Cute

2009-06-03T06:15:00.006-04:00

Emerson Grace, future sorority president in charge of entertainment and all festivities! Emerson Grace is on her way home to her brothers! She is rockin' some down home fashions and just like her mama is going to have fun time no matter where she is or what she is wearing!

Day 3 off the Couch

2009-05-31T12:23:00.007-04:00

* googled image...that is not me:)*

I forgot to mention two things about day 2. While I was pushing Sophie (the future biggest loser trainer) she kept yelling "faster mommy, faster!!" She redeemed herself when we were almost home, by singing "I'm yours" while listening to the song on my ipod. Good thing she is cute:)

I was not sore after the second day of the plan, so don't give up because you can't move after the first day. Secondly today was by far the easiest day. Things I have learned or changed so far;

I had to get rid of the maroon five song " harder to breathe" apparently I am very susceptible to the message in the chorus.
I have a hard time pacing myself during the run. I tend to run to fast....getting tired faster.
I am paying more attention to my breathing and core which allows me to pay more attention to have fast or slow I am running.
I like that I added the sit-ups and push-ups at the end of my run.
Running by myself is a gift.
I am thinking if I look at it that way I will be less likely to give up.
I put my bathing suit on for the first time yesterday and headed to the pool.
I admire the ladies out there who are comfortable with their bodies.
I am running to get healthier not just thinner....the truth is if I were skinny I would not be running.
The last time I committed myself to seriously exercising I didn't like my life/husband much.
This time I love my life and can't imagine my life without Chris by my side.
I think I like running.

Day 2 of the couch to 5k running plan

2009-05-29T19:32:00.003-04:00

Here is a news flash....it sucked. I am still sore from Wednesday's run. Scary how the only shape I am is round. But now that it is done, I feel great:) This is what I have learned on the 2nd day of the "plan"

Eye opening how out of shape I truly am. Shameful and unhealthy to say the least.
Pushing a 30lb toddler in a stroller adds a entire new level of difficulty to this plan.
Jogging strollers suck
The "BoB" stroller is supposed to be fantastic.
I would like to exercise with no children so I will not be buying the Bob. ( I would also like to pee without any kids bugging me, but if I am forced to choose......I choose running with no children)
One minute never seemed as long as it does when that is how long I have to run.
Two minutes flies by when that is the amount of time I get to walk.
I added jumping jacks (doubles and regular) and sit-ups to the end of the plan.
This will be easier to do in the morning once school is out ( I would still like to run when I am in Ohio in a couple weeks)
I can do this

WB Listened

2009-05-29T06:23:00.001-04:00

This was posted to FB members who joined a protest group.

First off, thank you for adding your name to the “Orphan” protest Group on Facebook. The membership has reached almost 1,000 in the course of just a few short days, which goes to show how very important this issue is to many.

I wanted to share with you that I just got off the phone with Scott Rowe, Sr. Vice President of Corporate Communication at Warner Bros. You will be happy to know that they have changed their marketing materials and have removed the offending statement “It must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own” has been removed from all future trailers.

A few items of note:

• The current trailer (with the offending statement) will still be used during the previews of the horror film “Drag Me to Hell”, which opens this week-end. Unfortunately, on such short notice, there was nothing that can be done about this.

• The next movie that the trailer will be shown at is “The Hangover”, which comes out June 15th. By this time, the current trailer will be replaced with the new trailer (sans statement).

• They will swap out the trailers for all television advertising. They have not yet begun advertising for this film yet, so there should be no worries of children seeing it.

• The current trailer is still on the Web site, but they are working to rectify that immediately and Scott has spoken with the Warner Bros. Web team about this again this afternoon.

• Because the film is Rated-R, it will only be shown as a trailer for other Rated-R films. The trailer will also only be shown on television after 10 p.m. (i.e. not during times when young children would be expected to watch).

As I am sure many of you have assumed, there is a hook to the film that ultimately removes the child/orphan stigma, which is neither here nor there as it relates to current public positioning of the film -- and that issue is no more.

The producers and distributor took your concerns to heart and have made the changes in the public-facing marketing materials that we had hoped.

I would like to add that Scott mentioned that Warner Bros. employees get death threats for things as trivial as changing the release date of the new Harry Potter film. “Yet, the adoption community, who are protecting their children and who have every right to be angry, has been nothing but respectful.” he said.

Kuddos to all of you! Please do pass this information along so that others can know that their voice was heard.

-Bethann Buddenbaum & Jill Henry (Group moderators)

Moving Along...

2009-05-28T19:34:00.004-04:00

Astoria came by and saw my message. Oddly enough she was not compelled to leave a comment. Time to move on......

This is just a total stream of consciousness post........I am sore from my couch to 5k plan. Even with motr*n today my legs ached. I will be back at it tomorrow. Ben has a big lacrosse tournament this weekend. He is one busy guy between school, lacrosse and baseball. Sophie and I leave for Cincinnati in a few weeks. I am excited to be able to visit lots of my Ohio girls and for Sophie to see her doctor. She has not seen him since her surgery almost 2 years ago. I am hoping we leave Cincinnati children's accomplishing what we traveled there to do! Krista and I should have a rockin' good time in the car for 8 hours with Sophie. I am looking forward to meeting Claire and hangin' with Connie, I can't wait to watch Sophie play with Jazzie and Tahlia, I hope that Maddy and Robin are able to catch up with us, it is always fun to catch up with Stacey, (Stacey maybe you can come to the zoo with me and Soph ??) I love that I am able to catch up with so many friends all in one state!! I am totally sick of the rain. I can't wait to sit at the pool. I am going to miss Hannah's first swim meet:( But my Dad will be there to watch her for me. He will be hanging out here while I am in Cincy with Sophie. It will be fun for Ben and Hannah to have some time to hang out with their Papa. I think they are planning on going to grandfather mountain and the mile high (thanks masons mommy:) swinging bridge. Sounds scary to me.

peace

A Post that is sure to tick someone off....

2009-05-28T06:08:00.006-04:00

Your trip to China may not be all sunshine and butterflies....really. You are not obligated to looove the province your child comes from. Ben was born in Springfield Massachusetts, which has slowly become the armpit of western mass. Does that statement mean I don't love every inch of my son??? Certainly not and just because your son or daughter was born in China does not mean you have to gush a love song for their province/China. You of course want to share positive statements about your child's birth country as this is in part an extension of who they are. And yes, you may feel some gratitude towards China for allowing you to parent your precious child. But I am going to be honest here and tell you that my gratitude is not to China...but to Sophie's birth parents who chose LIFE for her! Should I thank China for allowing me to ease the burden of their social and political systems???

For those who will be traveling to China sooner or later these are the facts:

You are not on vacation. This will be the most stress filled trip of your life and that is if everything goes as planned and your child transitions with little difficulty. You will be exhausted and anxious to get home, only to have your ass kicked by jet lag.
China is crowded. People will push you and get closer to you than you would appreciate. You have heard this before.
If you are tall, big, white, blonde, have red hair, blue eyes or a lot of body hair and happen to be carrying around a Chinese baby you will be like an exhibit at the zoo and Chinese people will stare at you and talk about you.
You may not like your child's provincial capital. It is ok. Sophie's province capital is also the coal capital of China. Some people liked it, I couldn't wait to get moving.
Chinese food is not the same as the "Peking House" in the burbs. It is actually better, or at least it was where we traveled. There is no sweet and sour chicken. If all else fails you ask for noodles with black bean sauce.
People in China drive crazy. So do people in Rome and on snow days here in NC. The thing with China is that there is a whole lotta people on the roads at the same time, in cars, buses, vans, bikes and motorcycles.

These are my OPINIONS you surely may not share them. Your experience in China will likely be different than ours. I love Chinese culture, this was one of the reasons I was drawn to adopting from China....this does not change my opinion of how people drive in China, how much I loved the food, or how much I wanted to get the heck of Taiyuan and get home.

Couch to a 5k Running Plan

2009-05-27T18:01:00.002-04:00

I have started to run. This has been a stressful year at school. For me Stress=Multiple handfuls of Chips. I usually get home from work around 4:30, some days earlier some days later. On stress filled days the snacking begins around 4:35:) This year everyday seems to have been a stress filled day!

About 3 years ago I lost around 40lbs, but I have gained 20lbs of it back. The key to me losing the weight was not being in the house during the time I liked to snack, so I scheduled my workouts during my usual pig-outs! So it is back to the old plan.....and hopefully my old shorts!

I am not a real lover of exercise. Can't I just be a size six and not move off the couch???? Anyway in order for me to get moving I need music. This is what I put on my ipod to start my new running plan.

Mercy-Duffy
Best of You-Foo Fighters
Boom Boom Pow- Black Eyed Peas
Sexy Back-Justin
Suddenly I see- KT Turstall
Harder To Breathe- Maroon 5 ( that is my sick sense of humor kicking my ass about half way through my run)
Sexy Can I- Ray J ( naughty song- found on Ben's play list. I need to talk to him about this one)
Umbrella- Rihanna
Shine- Collective Soul
I'm Yours- Jason Mraz
Everything -Michael Buble

Pretty eclectic mix-the last 2 songs are part of my warm down.

I found this plan and did the first day today. It sucked:) No seriously I thought is was a wimpy start...but I was tired and sweaty by the time I walked up the driveway. I did the workout for 20 minutes but wasn't home yet, so I did a brisk walk the rest of the way home. I also found out that my ipod has a stop watch. I used the stop watch to help me follow the plan.

Why don't you join me!!

Attention F*cebook users

2009-05-26T19:37:00.002-04:00

There is now a FB page to boycott the WB movie "Orphan". Go HERE now and read about the page!! Then head to this FB page!!

Told you WB.....We are a force to reckoned with!!!

EMERSON DAY!!

2009-05-24T10:58:00.002-04:00

Wahooo! The wait just washes away once they put that beautiful baby in your arms! Congrats to Tracy and Jason!! We love you guys!!

In the Waiting Room.....

2009-05-24T08:42:00.003-04:00

I am seriously stalking her blog ! Oh I am not alone in the waiting room. There are lots of Auntie's with me....her, her, her and don't forget about her, and her. Text me or email me as soon as anyone gets news!

Never a Good Idea to Tick Off the Adoption Community

2009-05-21T21:02:00.002-04:00

I saw a trailer for this movie and was horrified, offended and just amazed. As if the title was not obnoxious enough...go here to watch the trailer . As soon as I find out where we can send emails protesting this film I will let y'all know. I believe that there will be older children who have been adopted, who will be impacted by this movie. I don't doubt that they will be questioned by their peers possibly to their faces, but likely behind their backs. I believe that people will form opinions about adoption, and adoption of older children that will impact children who wait to be part of loving families.

This pisses me off.

A Little of This and Little of That

2009-05-21T17:28:00.002-04:00

I continue to have nothing to blog about. FB has stolen my blogging mojo. I promise to take some pics this week and post. Gaaaw I suck. I got an Ip*one for mothers day. I freakin' love it. I set up my phone so I could blog from my cool phone....but I have yet to figure out how to post something. Lets see.....I hurt my hand at work. I had to restrain a student after she kicked out a window in my classroom. Yep, the governor cuts my pay for two months, and my students have flipped their shit. Not good. The last month of school sucks. I have been testing students for two weeks. We are not even finished yet. Next week is remediation and then we test the students again. Most of my students will not pass the EOG test....cuz they are below grade level...that is why they are in special ed. I used to get all worked up about it, but it is what it is. I am excited to say that most of my students have demonstrated GREAT growth in reading this year. I assessed them in the beginning of the year and assessed them again in April. I was impressed with the growth most of them made. My inclusion students made the least amount of growth.....food for thought.

The family is doing well. It is still spring here in NC. I am ready for summer. Bring on the heat! I can't wait to go to the pool and hang out there all day with my kiddos.

Thats it. I told you I got nothin'

Nothing New

2009-05-19T16:31:00.002-04:00

I got nothin' to blog about, school is crazy. We are all just trying to make it to summer vacation. Ben is playing lacrosse and baseball, Hannah has soccer tryouts and well Sophie is three years old! So I thought I would post something that I had on our other blog. An oldie but goodie so to speak.

My thoughts last year on how best to reply to those statements about China and its one child policy. This post was in response to someone seeing Sophie with me at the hair salon and ranting about "how china just throws their girls away...." You know the drill. You have heard it before and if not, prepare yourself it will happen to you at the grocery store, park or even at a family picnic.

I guess what really bugs me about our fellow countrymen slamming another country, in our case our daughter's birth country, is their egocentric perspectives and need to impose American opinions, politics and culture upon other countries.

Chris and I were discussing China’s one child policy looking for a way for me to handle “those questions” better. We both agree that limiting the number of children a person can have is a major “human rights” offense. Having said that and after reading this paper and other recent articles on China’s population control policy, Chris made some interesting points. One of which is that China’s policy to limit family growth is in part born out of necessity, we do not agree with it, but there is no social structure to support those who cannot support their families. In the paper from Harvard the writer indicates that in China it “pays” not to have more than one or two children, having more than that will cost the family money in the form of a fine and payment for registration and education of the additional child. As we were discussing China’s policy, Chris pointed out that here in the U.S. the government will actually PAY people to have more children than they can afford to support. No you say?? Sure we do…..we provide subsidies for housing, medical care, mental health, dental, childcare, education, food stamps, etc. The more children you have in America that you can’t take care of the more the government will pay you to help take care of them…you don’t even need to leave the house!

People question how China “treats” their children. Really, how well do we treat our children here in the United States?? Even with “supporting” parents, children in one of the wealthiest countries in the world are neglected, unloved and die every day. Our foster care system…please... it fails children daily.

Every year I encounter children at school who require a flow map to explain who lives with them and how they are related to one another. Every year I wake up a parent of one of my students at 11:00 AM in the morning to come get their sick child, and they are not asleep because they worked second shift either. I have parents who do not have jobs, but can’t seem to make it to a meeting at school once a year. There are parents that have 5 or 6 kids and they are not even 30 years old yet. They can’t seem to figure out birth control but they certainly know how to fill out the free and reduced lunch forms.

I don’t disagree that as a society we should support those who are in REAL need. Poverty in America is a vicious cycle. But we have to be honest in saying that the system fails. It fails to instill hope for something better than a hand out, it takes away desire to succeed and care. Here in America it does pay to have more children than you can care for, it just doesn’t in many other countries.